Starting Over Doesn't Mean You've Failed, It Means You Tried

Starting over feels incredibly scary. Feels overwhelming even. It can feel humiliating, confusing, like the world is falling apart.

But it doesn't have to.

I have lived a life of starting over. 

I actually just recently did and let me tell you it was scary. I reminded myself every day why I was starting over. I looked at the reasons why I was starting over and what could come of it.

I left an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. It was not the first time I had left, but it was the last time. It took me so long to leave for good because I was so terrified of starting over.

But then staying started to feel scarier than leaving. I had to make a decision. Did I want to continue to stay in a terrible relationship, hoping that things would change? He would see that he needed to stop drinking? Or, did I want to step away, find my peace, and do what was best for myself for once?

I chose to do what was best for me and no that does not mean it was easy. 

It was so hard. 

However, hard does not mean bad. I started by looking at why starting over feels so heavy and absolutely terrifying.

Our brain can trick us into thinking starting over, change or new experiences are scary and we should avoid them at all cost.

Our brain craves familiarity. It wants certainty and clarity. 

Just because something feels scary doesn't mean that it's wrong or a mistake.

When starting over these are just a few of the questions that can fill our heads.

Is this something that's going to better yourself? 

Is this something that will better your family?

What are the positives that could come from doing the scary thing? 

Is this something I truly want?

What happens if I listen to the fear?

Will I regret not listening to my heart? 

Write these things down.

Then answer them, truthfully.

This brings me to my next point. 

What can you do today?

Sometimes trying to plan and think about the overall picture can be overwhelming. 

Looking at one move that you can make instead of everything that needs to get done can help what you're trying to do feel not so daunting. 

How can we break it down into smaller steps? 

For example. Me leaving my emotionally abusive ex. 

Leaving was so daunting. We had started a life together, we had pets together, a home. I was thinking about everything else except what I needed. What I needed to do was do a temperature check and ask myself what did I need in that moment.

 My first step was figuring out where to go. I know I needed to leave, but where was I going to go? 

Once I knew where I was going to go, I thought about what my next step was. 

Which was leaving without letting him know because he would have tried to stop me.

I reached out to my mom and let her know what had been going on and that I was ready to leave.

We picked a date and the rest was just following through. 

Take Care Of Yourself

Even though starting over can feel isolating, defeating, and uncertain; it is so important to have your community. This doesn’t mean you have to share your business with everyone, but the ones you can trust. It is important to let people support you. 

Take care of yourself. Make sure that you are getting adequate sleep, eating, checking in with the people you love and that love you.

Just because you are starting over does not mean that you have to completely cut ties with everyone and every thing. 

I want to encourage you to give yourself grace. Give yourself what it is that you need. Ask yourself the hard questions and lean into it. What’s meant for us is usually on the other side of fear. 

Disclaimer: The content on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Life coaching supports personal growth and self-development but is not therapy. Individual results may vary.